


Love Like a Weed

by Compunctions



Category: Tales of Vesperia
Genre: All sorts of dramatic whining, Growing Up, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, POV Second Person, Pining, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:53:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22682020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Compunctions/pseuds/Compunctions
Summary: Karol realises he loves Yuri. There's only one problem: Karol is far too young for him.
Relationships: Estellise Sidos Heurassein/Yuri Lowell, Karol Capel/Yuri Lowell
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	Love Like a Weed

A heavy blow throws you to the ground, knocks the air from your lungs. You hear your name, but your body refuses to move. Get up. _ Get up _ .  **_Get up_ ** _. _

Your body finally responds when Yuri is beside you. He thrusts his sword into the ground, encasing both of you in a blue circle - guardian seal. Strength returns to your body, and finally, you jump back to your feet. Yuri smiles at you, relieved.

You normally find joy in anyone's smile, but this time, it's different. This time, it's like your whole body comes to life. It cures you more than Estelle's healing artes, more than any gel. You're left dumbstruck, staring at him.

That's when Raven's arrow strikes you in the back.

It's more painful than usual. He hits your heart, but before you can say anything, the arrow is gone, and you're fine. There's still a dull ache in your heart, but you figure that'll go away in a little while. Right now, your focus is on the monster at hand. Once it’s defeated, you can finally relax.

You can eat as many gels as you want after the battle, but the ache doesn't get better. If anything, it gets worse from the way Yuri smiles, even if it's not at you. When he looks at you as you stuff another apple gel into your mouth, you swear your heart stops. You laugh nervously, and you feel like a child with his hand in the cookie jar. But you're not a child - you  _ insist  _ you're not a child - you're a young man.

“Stop eating all the gels!” Rita barks at you.

You look around, and you realise everyone is looking at you. Were they always looking? Probably, but your head was somewhere else.You want to sink into the ground in that moment. You fish your hand out of your bag, guilty.

“I can't help it,” you say. “They taste so good!”

You feel pathetic for lying. It's not strictly a lie - you like the taste and the feeling between your teeth - but that's not why you're eating them. However, after eating ten of them, you understand there's some pains apple gels and lemon gels can't fix. One day, you might see that those aches are solved with another kind of potion, but not right now. You’re a touch too young for that.

You hope the feelings will subside, but they don’t.

You're not stupid, you know what this is. You can still remember when you first fell for Nan, though you didn't have such easy access to gels at the time, so it was a little different. You were convinced you were sick for a week straight, and when the boss found you curled up on the floor after talking to Nan, you were almost immediately kicked from the guild. This is like then, except now you know for sure you don't stand a chance.

Or at least, that's what you should be thinking. Maybe when you grow up, he'll stop looking at you like a little brother. He might see you as an equal, or even as a boss. The thought alone makes your stomach flutter, and you could die then and there. One day he'll see you for who you are, and you'll be more than that twelve year old who happens to be his boss (sort of).

Even so, Yuri has always believed in you. He pushes you to be your best, and damn, you want to be your best. Not just for him, but for yourself. You'll keep trying - you'll never give up again.

You want to impress him, but not much seems to catch his eye. There's one thing that does, something you know you're good at: fighting. You bust your ass off. You show off. You end up on your ass with Estelle healing you again and again, because you're reckless and stupid. It ends in Yuri telling you off for not being careful. He's right, even if he's not one to talk. You're ashamed of yourself, if you're honest.

You wonder if your feelings are nothing more than hero worship. Yuri is a good man, a shining star in a night sky. He is your Brave Vesperia. Of course you'd idolize him; he was a hero, even if he didn't like to be called as such. He's strong, stronger than almost anyone you'd ever met. You even think he could take on the boss of the Hunting Blades and come out unscathed.

The hero worship died in the same place as it began - Quoi Woods.

There's something about finding your hero asleep after running away from everyone that ticks you off. With a swing of your hammer, you wake him up and you crush your hero worship.

Now if you could just do that to your crush, that would be nice.

You thought that would be it, that you'd finally get over him. The veil is off. He's not the hero you think he is. That's the problem - now he's more human. He's a person, not something to be worshipped. He's just a man. The ache in your heart comes back, growing and growing. You don't know what will stop it now.

There's a chance you're in love, but you brush it off. It's silly, isn't it? You can't love the first person to be nice to you in years. You barely even know what love is beyond what you've seen and heard about. There's just no way.

No matter what, Yuri never loses his heart. He never loses that strength, that light that keeps him going. You admire that and, in private moments, you admire  _ him _ . He becomes the source of uncomfortable - if not amazing - dreams. You should feel disgusted, and you do, if only a little. You can't meet his eye in the morning. But if your dreams are the only way you can have him…

Even in guilds, they have laws against that kind of thing. You'd never ask him even if there wasn't, because you're a coward. You said you'd stop running, but this is something you  _ have _ to run from.

Time passes, and you hope your feeling pass. They rise and fall like a tide, slow and rhythmic. You learn to ride the wave of teenage hormones and your feelings so you're not totally useless. You're still useless, still looking at Yuri like Rita looks at blastia, but you like to think you're not so obvious.

You're all sitting together at the castle, visiting Estelle as some thinly veiled meeting. No other meetings you go to as a guild offers tea and cakes, but you're not complaining. Any complaint you have is muffled by soft cake and buttercream as the others discuss adventures you all had recently. It's nothing quite as exciting as saving the world, but it pays the bills.

You watch the others, but your eye catches on Yuri. He has a wicked smile on his face as he talks about a giant monster they had tracked down, and Estelle's eyes are sparkling in wonder. You watch Yuri talk, his pride swelling, and you realise something. 

You might not have been sure before, but you know now: you love Yuri.

This isn't the sort of revelation you want to have. You stand up and make some kind of excuse, before almost running away.  _ You're running away. _ You're a coward, but you don't care. You can't look at Yuri right now. You're not sure how you can face him after this.

You're gone for a while, but you figure the others are probably on their way to Dahngrest by now. You'll join them soon. Or not. Maybe you could stay away forever, and the guild will go on without you. They'll be fine without you, especially right now.

“There ya are,” Raven hums, interrupting your thoughts. “Where've ya been?”

You don't look up, and you keep your face in your knees. You're a bad liar. You could say your stomach hurts from all you'd eaten, which would have only been half wrong. You don't. You say nothing. The old man sits beside you, stretching.

“We'll be goin’ pretty soon,” he says.

“Good,” you mumble.

“Hey now, what's with the long face? Come tell ol’ Raven all about it.”

The last person you ever want to discuss anything with is Raven. He's good at keeping secrets - he kept Schwann under wraps, for example - but that doesn't mean you want to tell him anything. You'd rather die than utter what's on your mind. You stay quiet. Normally, you can talk to Yuri about anything. Now? You're screwed.

“I'm… I'm sick,” you say.

It's not convincing in the least, but Raven doesn't press you. That's one thing you like about him; he understands when you don't want to talk. You don't really want to be alone right now, so his silent company is welcome. One day you might tell him why you ran. Not today.

The good thing about proximity to Yuri is that it helps you get used to the ache in your heart. The bad thing is, seeing him brings the ache back. You can't explain why you're avoiding him, even if it's only a little. You can't explain how your body sets alight when you see him, how it's good and painful all at the same time.

You should be free to tell him. You're a man now. You're a leader of a guild. You're  _ mature _ and  _ responsible _ . For all your talk, you're still a kid. You're only fifteen. But if Rita could make her own decisions at your age-

_ That would be breaking so many laws _ , your mind hisses.

You know Yuri would never go for it, even if you asked, even if you  _ begged _ . You're more than aware that his affections lay elsewhere. His heart was with Estelle. You're jealous and happy for him all at the same time; you used to think they were dating when you'd met them all those years ago. Their courtship isn't a surprise.

What  _ is _ a surprise, however, is the handwritten invite on your desk.

You almost don't want to open it, because you know what it is before you even open the envelope. Opening it makes it real. Not opening it stalls nothing, but it makes you feel better. You shove it in a drawer and you get up.

You don't know where you're going, but you're walking the streets of Dahngrest. Your legs are shaking. You don't know why you're upset when you knew this would happen. Of course Yuri would marry Estelle: they deserve their happy ever after. But so do you, don't you? This didn't feel fair.

It's just your luck when you bump into Raven, but you're sure it's not an accident. He leans back, hands on the back of his head and flashes you an easy smile.

“Shit- sorry, Raven,” you say.

“Watch the language, kid,” he says, though you know he doesn't really care. “Have ya heard the good news? It's enough to bring a tear ta an old man's eye, I tell ya.”

You stiffen. You can't even pretend to be happy for them. You want to be - your friends found love, they're getting married, you should be happy! - but you can't. Raven seems not to notice your dismay as he wraps an arm around your shoulders. He has to lean up a bit; he's shrunk in his age, while you only grow taller.

“C'mon, let's drink to the happy couple.”

“Huh? But I can't…”

You are a  _ child. _ Raven knows this, because he flashes the bottle he's got under his jacket with a wink. From the label, it looks like it's from Blood Wine - a newer guild specialising in strange spirits and wine. From what you'd heard, the alcohol content is high.

You don't get a chance to say no. You're pulled back into the headquarters, back to your room, and he's pouring two glasses of the dark liquid. He hands you a glass and you sniff it before grimacing. It's strong, the smell burning the back of your throat. You choke, and Raven laughs.

“Yeah, the first drink'll do that,” he says, before taking a sip.

You look down at your glass. If Raven can drink it so easily, why can't you? You take one sip and you get why _you_ can't. The liquid burns a path down your throat, going down for what feels like an eternity. You sit your hand on your chest as you will it to go down faster. Eventually, the pain eases.

“That was terrible,” you choke, and he laughs again.

“Next one's better. Trust me.”

You don't know why, but you trust Raven. You take another drink, and to your surprise, it burns again. This time at least, it burns less. You gasp, squeezing your eyes shut, and you let it go down. When it's over, you breathe a sigh of relief.

Is this adulthood? You'd seen other adults drink, important guild leaders discussing affairs over expensive alcohol. One day, that could be you among them, representing Brave Vesperia. You don't know if you'd drink, but who's ever heard of a guild leader who doesn't drink? You don't know how you'll get used to the burning.

“What's the point in drinking? It just hurts,” you whine, feeling like a child.

“Gets rid of aches in your heart,” he says. “Ya looked like ya needed a stiff drink. It worked, didn't it?”

You hate to admit it, but he's right. You've been so distracted by the alcohol that you forget you're supposed to be sad. You feel the familiar ache in your heart again, and you take another drink.

“That bad, huh? Do ya wanna talk about it?”

You don't. You really, really don't. You shake your head.

“Nah, I'm fine,” you mumble.

“Sure, sure,” he says, holding his hands behind his head.

And you  _ are _ fine. You tell yourself you're fine as you take another swig of the drink. You're still fine as you polish off the glass and get a refill. Wait, had Raven even finished his yet? You don't know.

He's right about the alcohol. All you can focus on is the burn of liquor and the floating feeling - it's all you want to focus on. Your body is a little numb, which helps the alcohol go down. Before you know it, your second glass is empty and you're reaching for the bottle. You underestimate how far it is and you flail pathetically, so Raven grabs the bottle and holds it out of your reach.

“I think you've had enough,” he says.

Yes, you've had enough. You've had enough of feeling like crap, and you've had enough of keeping it together. You hunch over and you let out a sob as you try to wipe your eyes. You try and you try, but the tears keep on coming. In the end, you give up and cover your face. You're a mess.

“Yuri,” you say, your voice caught in your hands.

You want Raven to hear, but you also don't want anyone to know. You're torn. Your head is swimming, and you know it's the alcohol, but you also don't care. You can't keep this secret forever.

You hear Raven shifting uncomfortably, but he doesn't go. He sighs.

“So that's what this is all about,” he says.

This is one time you appreciate his age; he knows a lot more than you do. You don't have to say much and he gets it, because he's been through it. How many loves has Raven lost? How many times had he been in a spot like this? Maybe not exactly like this - especially with the age difference - but likely something similar. You can't really think about it at the moment.

“How long's it been goin’ for?” he asks.

You have to rack your brain for this one. It's been a constant in your life for so long you're not even sure. It feels like your whole life. It might as well be. You shake your head.

“Years,” you say, wiping your face with the front of your shirt.

He tried one last time: “Do ya wanna talk about it now?”

This time, you do. Your heart pours out, flowing freely like the alcohol that fuels your ramblings. You tell Raven everything, sparing no detail. It's something you know you'll regret in the morning, but it feels so good to tell someone.

You tell Raven that you love Yuri. You tell him that your love is like a weed, growing and growing and ruling the garden in your heart. You didn't want this, and you still don't. You would do anything to make it stop.

You don't know how, but you've ended up with your face in Raven's shoulder. He pats your back awkwardly and listens to you. You talk about Yuri for what feels like hours. He's your guiding light - he's why you're the man you are today. It feels funny claiming that you're a man while you're crying and whimpering into Raven's shoulder like a child, but neither of you comment.

You even admit that the news tears your heart, though it doesn't take a genius to deduce that. It's hard to admit that it hurts. You don't want to be upset, but you are. You want nothing more than to celebrate with them, but you can't. How can you?

“It hurts, but it gets easier,” Raven says. “It ain't gonna be your last love, kid. Trust me.”

For the second time tonight, you trust him.

You discover a new sensation in the morning: a hangover. Your body is heavy, and your head is pounding. Your mouth feels drier than when you went to Kogorh; at least then you had the cacti to hydrate yourself. To your relief, you're alone and dressed. A small part of you wonders if maybe he would have… no. Raven isn't like that. He's a good guy. Strange, but good. You're sure of that.

~~

The weeks leading up to the wedding are the worst. You're stuffed into suits to size you up; you can't go to a royal wedding in a regular outfit. Yuri jokes about going in his regular clothing, but you know Estelle would get upset. If you and Yuri were getting married-

You slap yourself mentally, like a rubber band snapping back into place. You aren't thinking like that anymore. You're moving on.

You're glad that Yuri asked Flynn to be his best man, otherwise your heart really would have crumbled into nothing. You notice that Raven occasionally glances at you when you're with Yuri, and you immediately stop talking every time. He might be subtle, but you can feel it like arrows in your body. You'd prefer the arrows.

The conversation you had with Raven did help. The ache is less prominent, and the urge to spill your feelings is no longer there. You're no longer tiptoeing on a ledge. You can look at Yuri again, even if right now, you wish you didn't.

He's handsome, especially when all dressed up. He's examining himself in the large mirror, twisting his body to take a better look. You can't help but stare until Raven makes a noise, which in your skittish little mind means  _ quit starin’ at Yuri _ . You're hopeless, so you're glad for the distraction.

Flynn is looking at other suits because his sense of style is better than anyone else's in this room. Raven dozes off. Just like that, it's only the two of you in the room.

You try not to read into it, but it's straight out of a trashy romance novel. You're the big man saving the delicate woman from a marriage to a terrible man. None of those details are true, and you're certain Yuri would kill you for even joking about it.

You catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, and you're not the man you think you are. You're a boy, snivelling in the face of even a small monster, a boy with a thousand anxieties. Who are you trying to kid?

“Karol, come here a sec,” Yuri says.

You stand beside him in the mirror and you look at your reflected image. Both of you dressed up leads to thoughts, ideas you'd rather shake. You're almost taller than him now, yet you're still baby faced. Puberty isn't always so kind to you. One day, you’ll outgrow Yuri. The thought alone is enough to make you laugh, though the sound is strange. You tug on your collar, uncomfortable.

“What's wrong?” Yuri asks.

It feels loaded, like he's asking for every ounce of your feelings. You quickly realise it's because your face is flushed, and you’re sweating like you’re coming down with something.

“Wha- nothing!” you manage to choke out.

At least, it should be nothing. But you’re prone to dramatics, especially at this age. You still remember Rita trying to set Yuri’s hair on fire in a fit of rage. You don’t mention it, because you’re sure Yuri would rather forget that happened, too.

You’re more aware of your age now than ever before. Despite how much you’ve grown, you still have some ways to go. Really, that’s not so bad, not as long as you have Yuri by your side - even it’s just as a friend. You can’t help but smile.

“Are you excited?” you ask.

He huffs, before laughing. “Really excited.”

Strangely enough, you are, too. Maybe finally, you’ll get over this.


End file.
